I am bulimic. My heart hurts, and i found something out that scared me. I sat there, satisfied, thinking i felt my stomach growling. It's been growling and growling, however in my lower left area, so not the typical stomach area. In the midst of one of the 'growlings'... my stomach growled... at the same time. The growling i have felt was not my stomach. I believe it was my liver. I told my friend, she thought i drank too much. I don't drink, only a few shots once like a week ago. I am bulimic, and i never thought i would get into such abad habit of purging everyday. Infact, i didn't even know that the word for throwing up was purging. I learned because of this pro ana blogging site. I have done it for so long now, yet i never knew the term until now. I am bulimic.. and this is the first time i openly said it.
i don't want to face the conciquences of my eating actions, yet i don't want to face the conciquences of failing liver and kidneys. I have to stay healthy to run.. ironic an unknown bulimic would say such a thing.
ana is now testing me truly.. to go on without bulimia. can i really stop myself from purging??? ana will help me. i will restrain.. but i have to break the bulimic cycle... you starve, binge, purge, restart. thing is i never did that, or at least idk. it didn't feel that way. now i should stop purging. i should stop.
how can i stop myself now?
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