Alright

It's weird how I feel in the morning when I wake up. Today I woke up and felt alright.  I know a while ago I said I'm not going to weigh myself a lot like I used to everyday a few times a day, but I'm getting back into that.

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PS I'm trying to keep a healthy mindset.. Reading my far past posts, it really draws me back in to those thoughts, and I have those thoughts now.  I think.. Less food smaller size..
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The reason why I didn't want to was because I was really afraid of the number I would see on the scale.  But the last few times I weighed myself, it was alright!!!  I mean yeah I'm a few pounds heavier than I like to be still, at least I'm not the horrifying weight I kept thinking I am.  I remembered when 114, 115 was my horrifying weight fear.. and that's where I am now, hoping to get to down to 110 MINIMUM and ideally 105, then after that I don't think I can go lower or I'll get kicked out of the program I am in my school.(I have to be over 104 to be apart of it)

I think/hope that it's mostly due to muscle, my weight gain, because I just finished month one of insanity. Some days I look at myself and think, I'm looking better! THen I'm like, wait, i've been working so hard and I either look the same, or look flabby-er or bigger :(

I don't really know how my mind works, I just don't really trust the mirror when I feel like I look good.  I'm just like, oh, another mirror designed to make you look thinner, then try and find realistic reflection mirrors.

I think i trust reflections from glass the most, like store windows and stuff.

I'm going to be away for my sister's graduation this weekend, so no working out for saturday and sunday.. Then the next week is insanity recovery week.  Then from there, I'm going to start month 1 again of insanity with my bf.  At first I really wanted to go into month2 because i hear that's wehre most girls get changing results, but after yesterday, seeing my flab, i don't feel like i deserve to go into month2 right away anyway.  So here I am

<3